Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
