I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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