He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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