We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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