I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
