he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
