I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
