What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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