I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
