i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
