2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
