she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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