My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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