I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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