I think I won the penis lottery.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
