My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
