I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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