I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize