you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
