exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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