The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
