last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
