I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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