dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
