Ketchup is God's man juice
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
