In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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