smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
