My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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