We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
