the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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