So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
