Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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