I want to have your abortion
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
soo... how was my night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
