I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
