when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
