Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
