as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
