I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
