On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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