I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is my life. Enjoy the view
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
