Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize