Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
