a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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