just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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