I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
