why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
