I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
