i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
