if you like me you must not know who I am
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
