Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
