After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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