i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
