Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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