I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
