I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
