I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
