my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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