im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
