You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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