thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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