So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America