she looked like the before picture.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT