Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
