I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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