i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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