i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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