Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
