I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
