I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize