Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
