Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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