Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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