im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
