dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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