i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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