That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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