Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
