my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
