So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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