Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
