i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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