where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
