I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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