No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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