I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
