My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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