I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
