Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
